The Indecision

I've always been the type of person who knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life.  From grades 7-11, I was going to be a professional dancer.  From grades 10-last monday, I was going to major in urban studies.  And now I'm planning on going into arts management.

I wish I were okay with indecision.  I wish I were okay just taking this semester without framing it around majors and concentrations, and prerequisites and requirements.  But it's not a feeling I'm okay with.  I need to know where I'm going with my life, especially as the "real world" gets closer and closer.  

That being said, changing my major this week and giving into my love of arts administration was so freeing.  Ever since I had gone to what was basically an intro to urban studies class, I realized I had no passion for it.  I didn't want to spend the next four years taking classes that I didn't care about, preparing me for work I wasn't going to do.  I didn't want to write my thesis on urban studies, and I was in a place of not wanting to acknowledge the future.  But then later I was having a conversation with Cindy about the empire of Mali, and she said, as everyone usually tells me, that I should just major in African studies.  Normally I just laugh it off as a joke, because my friends majorly tease me for being a white girl from Nebraska fascinated with African history, but this time I took it seriously.  Maybe I was just mentally in the right place after realizing how much I hated urban studies, or maybe it's because I finally realized that African studies is so amazing.  But that's the moment I switched.  It was an amazing feeling to finally say that this is what I care about, so this is what I want to do.  

Maybe I don't really want to be okay with indecision.  Because I am so much happier when I'm pursuing something I really want to do rather than just wondering what that might be.  

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Meet The Author

I'm Madysen, born and raised in Nebraska but now living out my dreams in New York City. I moved here to go to Columbia, but living in New York has become so much more to me. This blog is a space where I can share my experiences of reconciling my midwestern upbringing with the life I live in the city. But even bigger than that, this blog serves as a space where I can try to understand where I fit into the larger social world, where I want to go in life, and how I want to go about pursuing all of these endeavors.

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