Growth Requires Loss Of Love


I recently saw this article circulating on Facebook in which a mom tells her daughter that the wedding isn't about the actual event but the marriage it signifies. And that brought back some memories.

You know how girls are supposed to love planning their weddings? You’re supposed to dream about it forever and have every detail planned out before you even have a boyfriend. You’re supposed to watch Say Yes To The Dress regardless of your current dress shopping struggles.
That was me. But now it’s not.

When I was planning the wedding I thought I was going to have, I cared more about the wedding colors and centerpieces than anything else. I focused more and more on the details of the day to forget that the relationship was beginning to matter a little bit less.

Sometimes I forget that I've planned a wedding. That I had a notebook with drawings of my dream tables, budgets laid out for a far too expensive wedding that was going to be a reality. I knew what cakes I wanted to sample, I had narrowed down the dress selection, and the guest list was pretty much set. The venue had our date booked and I knew exactly how I wanted the room to be set up.
I've lived the planning stages that all girls dream about. It should have been the happiest times of my life.

But I can honestly say that my happiness now far surpasses the joy the wedding planning process brought me. I’m not concerned about “defining the relationship” or wondering where it’ll all progress. I’m a different person than I was six months ago. I don’t need to have my future planned out. I can live in the moment.

It’s nice to have been through all of that before, so that now I can be happy, be present, and breathe.
You need to lose your first love in order to grow. I needed to break free of those bonds in order to become the current iteration of myself. I thought I was mature and ready to make that HUGE step into adulthood. But I had no idea what a mature relationship was. I was jealous, I was controlling, I made the rules and needed to know everything ten steps in advance.

I was a kid. I see that now more than ever. And my ex told me that I seemed exactly the same.

He could not have been more wrong.

I’m no longer jealous– I can easily trust. I’m not longer controlling– I love the differences. But most importantly, I can live in the present. I can enjoy a moment without knowing exactly where the relationship is going to take me.

I’m more myself than ever before, and my journey to self-discovery is well supported and encouraged.

I've already planned a wedding. I've gotten that out of my system. I’m lucky, in that my focus on the future has been appeased.

A wedding isn't about the event, it’s about the significance of the bond.

And I can enjoy my relationships at any and all stages. I don’t need to look forward to a wedding. I don’t need to have a carefully defined relationship. All I have to do is roll over in bed, see him smiling back at me, and I know I’m the happiest I’ll ever be at that very moment.

That’s all I can ask for, and all that I want.



I truly believe every phase of life has a lesson to teach us all somehow, so I never want to regret a single moment.  I feel silly about the entire engagement in hindsight, but I don't want to belittle that. The lessons I'm learning from is are certainly some of the most important I've learned thus far.  

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Meet The Author

I'm Madysen, born and raised in Nebraska but now living out my dreams in New York City. I moved here to go to Columbia, but living in New York has become so much more to me. This blog is a space where I can share my experiences of reconciling my midwestern upbringing with the life I live in the city. But even bigger than that, this blog serves as a space where I can try to understand where I fit into the larger social world, where I want to go in life, and how I want to go about pursuing all of these endeavors.

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