Self-Care in a Hailstorm of Rotten Eggs

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.  But when life hurls rotten eggs at you, what the hell are you supposed to do?

I'm in the midst of an onslaught of rotten eggs at the moment.  My world has been absolutely turned upside down, I'm nauseated almost all day long, and even breathing is difficult.  I hate it, I really do.  Especially because while I'm feeling all of these feelings and that's great, there is nothing I can do to change the situation.

I've been through some tough shit before in my life, but never before have I wanted to just run away.  Right now, though, that's the only thing I want to do.  If I didn't have a lease, I would run away to the countryside and live out my savings account, writing and reflecting and trying to be able to breathe again.  Never has the urge to flee been so high.  I have to be careful anytime I do anything because I know my feet might just carry me away before I realize what's even happening.

My childhood home is no longer my home, and the floor has been pulled out beneath me.  I'm the Coyote who has only realized I walked off the cliff after I look down.  I'm in the middle of that moment of puzzled looks before I plunge.

I'm starting to learn that this is just what life is.  You have no idea what in the world is happening, and you have to suck it up and deal with it.  You don't like it?  Tough shit.  This is the way things work in this universe.  You have to breath deeply and let the bad soak in to try to make the best of it.

Only right now I can't breath.

Where do I find any air to spare in my suffocated life?  Well, I'm quitting my job.  That's right, the job I hate, the one that requires me to harass teachers for money or else I threaten to cancel their field trips.  It's really an incredibly terrible job for me and one that I honestly am terrible at.

So I'm making the potentially disastrous decision of quitting without a backup.  Right now, being a barista part-time to just cover rent sounds glorious.  Because I need that time, that space, that open life.  I need places to duck from the rotten eggs, whereas right now I'm in a barren desert.  At least once I quit I can write, read, podcast, meet people and live some sort of life worth discussing.  Right now it's all I can do to not be frozen with depression.

I feel like I'm under heavy fire right now.  My stomach is in knots and I really am not sure at all that this is the right decision.  But it's the one I'm making, for better or worse.  I can't live like this for a second more.

That's all for now, folks.

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Powered by Blogger.
 

Meet The Author

I'm Madysen, born and raised in Nebraska but now living out my dreams in New York City. I moved here to go to Columbia, but living in New York has become so much more to me. This blog is a space where I can share my experiences of reconciling my midwestern upbringing with the life I live in the city. But even bigger than that, this blog serves as a space where I can try to understand where I fit into the larger social world, where I want to go in life, and how I want to go about pursuing all of these endeavors.

Recent Posts

Follow on Bloglovin

Category