Christmas Present to Myself

I can tell I'm growing older, as my gifts become more and more practical.  And I love them even more than the toys of my childhood.  But this break has really been a struggle between growing up and being already grown.  

I may elaborate on this later, but even though I'm planning a wedding, getting kitchen supplies for Christmas, and reading philosophy for fun, I don't feel like I'm even close to being a functioning adult.  I don't mean that I couldn't keep myself alive and support myself in a successful life.  I feel confident in those skills.  I mean being an adult in the sense that I know fairly well who I am.  But does that even ever happen?  I'm beginning to think perhaps it doesn't.  

This break, the few days that have passed, has been such an exploration of who I am and what all these lift changes mean.  I'm blessed to have Justin who is so willing to give me all the space and support I need to continue my life exploration.  The picture of myself is slowly coming into focus.  I'm experiencing a coming-into-being, if you will.  

So that's my Christmas present to myself this year.  I'm going to remove all the limitations I've built up around myself over the years and really allow myself to experience everything about life, continuing this path of self-discovery.


The journey is so much more satisfying than arriving. I want to journey forever.